Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
