Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
