Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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