you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
