Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
