My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
