I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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