this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
