fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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