Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
