i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
