new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
