There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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