I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
How's work?
Spinning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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