Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
