Need sex. Gaining weight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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