How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
