Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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