I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
