I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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