hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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