if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize