dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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