So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
