she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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