well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
