Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
