she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Randomize
