Someone shit on the floor
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Bring me that man meat
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
