hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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