My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
