I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
