You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
