matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
