There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also, beer. Big fan.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
