i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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