the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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