I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
