That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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