I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
