You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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