The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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