Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
