Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
