I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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