I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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