I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
