i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
