I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
