Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
