It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
