Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't turn off my feet"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
