I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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