I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
