i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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