Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
