I think im going to throw up on grandma
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
