Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I cut my penus on the lid.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
