but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
