I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
