did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
