Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize