you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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