the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
