Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
