Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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