as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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