Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize