So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
