Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
