I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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