Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
