She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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